Tickled Pink
by strawberriesapples
Summary: Ray tries to help Peter in his dates with Dana, but things don't go as well as he'd planned...
1. Chapter 1

It was the third time Peter complained and Ray decided to help his friend. And there was the fact that he couldn't stand another minute of his friend's belly-aching.  
"This ought to give him a little... nudge." he thought.

"Peter, may I borrow your aftershave? I ran out of it."  
"Sure."  
It was a towel-clad Egon, fresh out of the shower. He'd already finished shaving when he realized there was no lotion.  
He poured some of the nice-smelling liquid(it was strong!) in one of his palms, rubbed his hands together and lightly patted his face. He felt a slight shock throughout his body and a feeling of general pleasantness.  
"Egon! Will you take long in there?" it was a half-awake Peter.  
"No!"  
Egon left the bathroom and changed into one of his many grey three-piece suits. There were still some reports to be completed and he needed the material.  
"Ray!" he began, talking to his friend who was enjoying a donut while reading a science magazine on the couch "Where did you put those ectoplasmic samples from last night?"  
"Aren't they in the lab?"  
"No..."  
"Ohh... I think I left them in the basement! I'll go get them!"  
"No, don't bother. Finish your breakfast."  
Egon went down the stairs and stumbled into their capable secretary.  
She was the most beautiful woman Egon had ever set his eyes on.  
He had to get closer to her, he had to hold her, he had to touch her.  
"Good morning, Janine...", he started, getting close to her desk.  
"Good morning, Egon!" It was strange. Egon was usually polite and greeted her in the morning, but not with that strange glint in his eye...  
"You look so... fetching today..." he slurred, already past her desk.  
"Wha...?"  
"So beautiful..."  
Janine had little time to think. The next thing she knew, Egon's chapped lips were on hers, kissing her softly.  
He held her by the waist, going down to her neck, planting soft kisses on it. Janine moaned but suddenly sensed there was something wrong with him.  
"Ray!" she yelled. "Peter!"  
"What are you calling them for?..."  
"What is it, Melnitz?" said Peter coming down the stairs "Whoa... about time, Spengs!" he continued, as he witnessed the scene.  
"Egon, no!"  
Ray approached his apparently lovesick friend and his stunned secretary and tried to pry him away from her.  
"Come with me..." he said, pulling his friend away from her, "Come on..."  
"But Ray..."  
"I promise you'll be back, now come..."  
"I'll be right back, Janine..." Egon said, his tone of voice strangely nice.  
Ray took his colleague upstairs and persuaded him to wash his face and Peter followed suit. Egon came out of the bathroom with his left eyebrow up.  
"Did I just... attack Janine?"  
"Yeah, you did, my friend! It was one of the most bizarre things I have ever witnessed!" it was Peter, his voice oozing mockery. "But I applaud you. About time you did something about our secretary's silly little crush on you!"  
"Peter, it was never my intention to... jump on Janine like that!"  
"Then why..."  
"Peter, will you check on her please? I believe she's still in shock." Ray said, sort of urgently.  
"Don't you think Egon should do it? Huh? Huh?" Peter said, teasing.  
"Please." Ray was serious.  
"Fine. The poor thing must be catatonic!"  
Peter went downstairs, amused at his own comments. Meanwhile, Ray looked at his friend, concerned.  
"Egon..."  
"Do you know what the fuck happened to me?"  
"Yes..."  
"Then pray tell!"  
"Well... remember that Peter said - complained about... Dana?"  
"Peter's always complaining about everything and everyone, Ray."  
"Yes, but it was about how she... how she..."  
"How she...?"  
"How she won't have sex with him yet, damn it!"  
"Oh!"  
Egon had an IQ of 160, but when it came to matters of real life, so to speak, the man was as dumb as a blonde.  
"Well... I... sort of wanted to help him..."  
"How?!"  
"I... well... I..."  
"RAY! You didn't mess around with Pinky, did you?"  
Ray gave his friend the guiltiest look ever.  
"RAY! What the hell did you do?"  
"I put... a little bit of Pinky into Peter's aftershave."  
"Ah... that's why I was acting so weird!"  
"I just wanted to help him! Give him a little... push!"  
"I borrowed Peter's aftershave this morning!"  
"I know! I put two and two together as soon as I saw you glued to Janine!"  
"You have to tell him the truth!"  
"I will! As soon as he thanks me!" Ray said, proud.  
**********


	2. Chapter 2

"Women!" exclaimed Peter, hurling his keys on the table, where his friends were having a late-night dinner. "They never know what they want!"  
Ray and Egon exchanged looks.  
"What happened, Pete?" Ray asked, matter-of-factly.  
"I'm beginning to think Dana is a prude."  
Ray suddenly spit his beer. "What?!" He asked.  
"The woman has known me for five years, had a relationship with me for one and a half, has been in the sack with me and now, only now she suddenly decides that 'I'm too aggressive'".  
Ray looked down guiltily.  
"What did she tell you, Peter?" Egon asked, sardonically.  
"Let's just say she doesn't appreciate my palm against her backside."  
This time, Diet Coke flew out of Egon's mouth.  
"Uh... Peter..."  
"Don't try to cheer me up, Ray, I'm frustrated enough as it is."  
"No, no, it's just... I think... it may... uh..."  
"Fine. What is it, Raymond?" Peter said in a patronizing tone.  
"It may be my fault."  
"What?!"  
"I just wanted to help!"  
"How, exactly? Did you call Dana and tell her I have HPV?"  
"No, no! On the contrary! I... I... put some of Pinky into your aftershave this morning."  
"Pinky?! What the hell is... oh, no." Peter suddenly remembered that his friend called the excited mood slime by name. He looked somewhat disgusted.  
"Peter... please..."  
If looks could kill, Ray would be a pile of ashes on the floor right now. He might just be more scared of Peter right then than of Gozer.  
"Ray... Green-Wood or Marble?"  
"Huh?!"  
"Where do you want to be buried, because I am going to annihilate you right now!"  
"Peter, calm down!"  
Egon watched, somewhat fascinated. He was still studying the effect of human behavior on the physical environment and if it started to thunder, it would be the crowning moment of his project.  
"You have half a minute to explain yourself."  
"Well... Pinky is the... excited mood slime, right? So I thought that if you got in contact with it..."  
"Your half minute is over, Ray." Peter said, rolling up his sleeves.  
"Wait! I-I thought it would get you a little... perkier and that Dana would appreciate it!"  
"Well, you thought wrong!"  
"Peter, stop it, Ray just wanted to help." Egon went in defense of his younger friend.  
"Did you know about this?"  
"No."  
Peter eyed him suspiciously.  
"Why do you think I attacked Janine like that this morning?"  
"Oh!"  
"Yes."  
"Ok, Ray... Fine... your intentions were 'noble', playing fast and loose with that concept."  
Peter looked at his friend, the gears in his head turning. He gave his friend a covert smile and forced a yawn.  
"I am going to bed. I just hope I am not a sleepwalker who strangles people while I'm asleep."  
"That's cute, Peter."  
"G-Good night, Pete."  
He walked into the bedroom and slammed the door.  
"Boy, he was really angry, wasn't he?!  
"Come on, Ray, you know how he is. He'll have forgotten all about it in the morning."

Egon went down the firehouse stairs as if he had a weight on each foot. He would never do anything even remotely like what he did, especially to someone as dear as Janine. He was prepared to hear much reprehensible shouting, quite rightly so. What he had done was unacceptable even though he was not entirely guilty.  
"Janine?" He ventured.  
"Dr. Spengler." Hmm. It was better than a scream.  
"Can I talk to you?"  
"Sure." She answered without looking at him, but at least she was calm.  
"I... I wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning."  
"Hmm."  
"It was not my intention... to attack you like that."  
She looked at him, her gaze half disappointed.  
"Yeah... you came all sweet, smelling wonderful, fresh out of the shower... I couldn't resist!"  
Egon looked away in embarrassment.  
"But I knew there was something wrong with you. You're not like that."  
Great, she understood that it was not entirely his fault. He would then try to explain why he acted so... "non-Egon."  
"Yes! Uh... do you know about the experiments with the mood slime?"  
"Yes..."  
"Well... there's one for each... emotion, let's say, and because of Ray's... derangement, I... I got in touch with the... stimulated slime."  
"Excited."  
"Well..."  
It was still embarrassing to admit that he and Ray had experimented with the slime at that level. And that Ray had christened that portion of the pink slime...  
"Egon, you attacked me!"  
"I know. I'm sorry. Forgive me, please."  
"That's fine. I forgive you." He smiled. "Under one condition."  
"Which one?" he asked, seriously.  
"I want a coffee date." She smiled.  
"Deal." He smiled back.  
**********


	3. Chapter 3

"Good morning, Egon!" It was Peter, too giddy for someone who had gone to bed with a fuse blown. "The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it's a beautiful day for a well-served vengeance, don't you think?"  
"I thought you'd let it go, Peter."  
"Oh, my dear Dr. Spengler, that's not the kind of thing you let go, not when you can fight back so well!" He said, filling a mug up with coffee.  
He took the mug and went into the bedroom, while Egon was distracted by his reports.  
He placed his mug on the nightstand, went towards his part of the closet, and smiled as he picked up a blue bottle with a white lid. He stood beside his snoring friend's bed.  
"Ray ... it would be tragic albeit comical to see you being slapped right in the face by the first woman who crossed your path ..." he said softly as he sprayed his aftershave on Dr. Stantz's face.  
Peter put the bottle back and clapped his hands together, with a sense of accomplishment. He left the bedroom and finished his breakfast.  
Soon after, Ray woke up and got up, yawning as he walked out of the bedroom.  
"Oh, nothing like a good night's sleep to get you more excited and more forgiving ... right, Peter?"  
Peter only smiled cynically at his friend. He was elated.  
"Do we have any bagels?"  
"Umm... Janine usually buys them. See if she brought some, Ray!" Peter said in a falsely excited tone.  
"Good idea!"  
Ray went downstairs and Peter grinned from ear to ear.  
"Janine!" Ray called as he went downstairs.  
"Yes, Ray!" She replied, moving to the front of her desk.  
Ray glanced at his secretary and thought she was the most attractive woman he had ever seen.  
"Janine..."  
"Yes?"  
"Oh, Janine ... your hair is like fall... your eyes are like chocolate... and your cherry lips..." he cupped her face and kissed her, tenderly, lowering his hands to her arms.  
He broke off the kiss slowly and she looked at him, a little scared.  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" She screamed.  
He was startled, but he didn't let go of the beautiful secretary.  
Peter took one look at the scene and laughed. Egon hurried toward his friend. "Help me here, Peter!"  
"No!" Ray protested. "What's this?!"  
"Come on, Ray, leave Janine alone."  
"Nobody touches the porcelain doll!"  
"No one's going to touch her, Ray, come on."  
"But... but..."  
Peter still laughed at the scene as Janine threw herself into her chair, aghast.  
A few minutes later, a stunned Ray Stantz came out of the bathroom after a much needed shower.  
"Tell me I did not do that."  
"Define "that"!"  
"I ... I ... attacked Janine?!"  
"Yeah, Ray, and you owe her an apology, right? Come on, come on." Peter said as he pushed his friend toward the stairs.  
"Yes ..." Ray agreed, coming down the stairs still half-dazed.  
"I thought you'd already gone through that phase, Peter."  
"Revenge is a dish best served ... lukewarm, Dr. Spengler."  
Ray timidly called his secretary. "Janine?"  
"Ray?! What the hell was that?"  
"I'm so sorry! I did not want to harass you like that, I ..."  
"Wait, from the beginning, please."  
"Well ... I wanted to help Pete in his relationship with Dana, so I put some of the... um... stimulated mood slime-"  
"Excited." She interrupted.  
"Um ... well ... yes, in Peter's aftershave, but it did not work out, uh ... Dana did not like it, and then Egon borrowed it and ..."  
"I know about Egon! But ... Dana didn't like it?"  
"No... heh. She sent Peter back home with his d-ahem! Frustrated."  
Janine burst into laughter. Ray laughed shyly.  
"Okay, but wait a minute. How did you get aftershave on you?"  
"I don't know, he came back home ready to kill me and ... son of a bitch!"  
Ray had just put the whole puzzle together in his mind. Peter spritzed the lotion on him as revenge! Idiot!  
Janine looked at her kindest and most lively boss with a half-frightened expression. She had never seen Ray like that before. Well, only when he dealt with certain morons who worked for the government. Not relating to one of his friends. He narrowed his eyes, his mouth in a line. She had to distract him.  
"Calm down, Ray. The man came back without... without... "roasting the broomstick", isn't that enough?"  
Ray laughed out loud.  
"Yes, probably." He looked at her and smiled. "So... am I forgiven?"  
"Of course!"  
Ray gave her a spontaneous hug.  
"But when you're able to, punch Dr. Venkman's nose. For me."  
"Haha! Sure!"  
Peter heard laughter and came down in disappointment. Egon followed him.  
"Oh, come on, Janine!"  
They both looked at him.  
"Where's the slap?" He continued.  
"Janine, how about that punch in the nose... now?"  
She just smiled.  
Ray looked at Peter with a smile. "I think Marble's fine for you, Pete."  
"Come on, Ray, it was just a joke!"  
"You have half a minute to run."  
"Very funny."  
"Twenty seconds."  
"Screw you, Ray!"  
"Ten seconds."  
"You'd look great with Janine's palm print on your face!"  
"FIVE!"  
"Ahhhh!"  
Peter ran out the firehouse, Ray on his track and Egon after them, like a disappointed father with his young children.  
Janine laughed at the scene and thought she had the world's most unusual job, and that her bosses were just grown kids.  
She would not trade that job for anything.

THE END


End file.
